Resume for ‘Mommy’

Wondering where I’ve been for the past month?

I got a job!

After 13 years of being a professional daytime TV watcher (aka stay-at-home-mom), it’s time to bring home the bacon. I don’t think I’ll fry it up in a pan though.  Too much grease.  I’ll microwave it surrounded by paper towels to absorb the excess fat.

But before the job came, the resume needed to be updated.  I dusted off the most current copy I could find and realized that I never added the last paid job I held over 13 years ago.

Here’s your first nugget: Even if you think you’ll NEVER go back to work, write up a resume for all the jobs you’ve had.  Trying to remember what you did – in detail – over a decade ago was NOT a fun experience.  The taxing of my poor under-used brain was cruel and unusual punishment.  And plus, a resume is a fun journal of what you’ve done and you can use it to show your kids that you’re not an idiot.

So how does one document on a resume 13 years of full-time Mommying?  I’m glad you asked.

While ‘changing diapers’ won’t impress a future employer, ‘sanitation engineer’ just might.

Referee = sibling fights

Interior Decorator = hanging the kitten poster in just the right place

Investment Banker = with money from generous grandparents

Dairy farmer = nursing

HRT (Hostage Rescue Team) = when brother takes sister’s doll

Chauffeur = if I had a nickel for every mile I drove them…

Nurse = if I had a nickel for every band-aid I put on…

Fashion Designer = “I don’t have anything to wear Mom!!!”

Seamstress = clothes, stuffed animals, curtains they used as a rope swing…

Laundress = when the shirt is the napkin

Teacher/Tudor = homework, homework, homework

Construction Worker = building toys from unreadable instructions

Chef = the best chicken nugget maker EVER!

Lifeguard = even in the bathtub

Accountant = “Do I have enough allowance to buy that Mom?”

Maid = 24/7

Project Manager = When is your assignment due? Tomorrow????

Entertainment/Travel Guide = “Mom I’m bored!”

Hairdresser = pony & pig tail expert

Truant Officer = you want to stay home from school why?

Financial Advisor = Don’t waste your allowance on that

Architect/Builder = Legos, play-dough, sand castles, etc.

Pastor/Priest/Rabbi = “Why ______ Mom?”

Professional Liar = “Where do babies come from?” “The stork bring them honey.”

***

So there you have it
.  I think it’s quite impressive when you look at the left side of the job description.  I’d hire me in a second!

I’m sure I’ve missed some, so please pass them along in the comments if any come to mind.

When my son was in Pre-K, they held a career day where the parents could come in and talk about their jobs.  I decided to come in as a Professional Mommy.  I went to our kid’s dress up bin, and took out hats and other items that represented the jobs listed above.  I simply changed hats over and over again and told them what Mommies and Daddies really do all day.  I don’t know if the kids were impressed, but the other jobs represented that day seemed pretty dull in comparison!

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4 thoughts on “Resume for ‘Mommy’

  1. So unusual..YOU were strongly on my heart today and I prayed and I was going to email you! Loved what you wrote but you didn’t say what job you got?! Your time is shorter but I’d still like to connect with coffee n prayer? Bless you sister, praying! Oh my mom has intestinal surgery tomorrow Thurs at 1pm..at 87. And I’m recovering from pneumonia. Tk u if you can pray! Love Laura

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

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  2. Moms really do wear so many hats! It’s one of the toughest jobs I’ve ever had, and the compensation is spotty. 🙂 I remember when I worked part-time when my kiddos were little, and I considered my days in the office “days off” since I got to sit quietly at my desk, drink coffee, and talk to other adults. Now I wear the hat of full-time editor, but I don’t get to escape to an office! (One moment I’m pondering the placement of an author’s content, and the next moment I’m refereeing the 100th squabble of the day.) My hat situation is out of control. Best of luck to you as you navigate these choppy waters! Call me if you need to vent – I understand!

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    1. Funny that you mention compensation. I read somewhere that they took each of the jobs a Mom does, added it up if you had to hire someone to do it, and the amount you’d spend was insane. I guess our payment will be in heaven with our eternal rewards, and down here with hugs and kisses! (But I do dream of how many purses that juicy paycheck could buy…)

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