Wondering where I’ve been for the past month?
I got a job!
After 13 years of being a professional daytime TV watcher (aka stay-at-home-mom), it’s time to bring home the bacon. I don’t think I’ll fry it up in a pan though. Too much grease. I’ll microwave it surrounded by paper towels to absorb the excess fat.
But before the job came, the resume needed to be updated. I dusted off the most current copy I could find and realized that I never added the last paid job I held over 13 years ago.
Here’s your first nugget: Even if you think you’ll NEVER go back to work, write up a resume for all the jobs you’ve had. Trying to remember what you did – in detail – over a decade ago was NOT a fun experience. The taxing of my poor under-used brain was cruel and unusual punishment. And plus, a resume is a fun journal of what you’ve done and you can use it to show your kids that you’re not an idiot.
So how does one document on a resume 13 years of full-time Mommying? I’m glad you asked.
While ‘changing diapers’ won’t impress a future employer, ‘sanitation engineer’ just might.
Referee = sibling fights
Interior Decorator = hanging the kitten poster in just the right place
Investment Banker = with money from generous grandparents
Dairy farmer = nursing
HRT (Hostage Rescue Team) = when brother takes sister’s doll
Chauffeur = if I had a nickel for every mile I drove them…
Nurse = if I had a nickel for every band-aid I put on…
Fashion Designer = “I don’t have anything to wear Mom!!!”
Seamstress = clothes, stuffed animals, curtains they used as a rope swing…
Laundress = when the shirt is the napkin
Teacher/Tudor = homework, homework, homework
Construction Worker = building toys from unreadable instructions
Chef = the best chicken nugget maker EVER!
Lifeguard = even in the bathtub
Accountant = “Do I have enough allowance to buy that Mom?”
Maid = 24/7
Project Manager = When is your assignment due? Tomorrow????
Entertainment/Travel Guide = “Mom I’m bored!”
Hairdresser = pony & pig tail expert
Truant Officer = you want to stay home from school why?
Financial Advisor = Don’t waste your allowance on that
Architect/Builder = Legos, play-dough, sand castles, etc.
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi = “Why ______ Mom?”
Professional Liar = “Where do babies come from?” “The stork bring them honey.”
So there you have it . I think it’s quite impressive when you look at the left side of the job description. I’d hire me in a second!
I’m sure I’ve missed some, so please pass them along in the comments if any come to mind.
When my son was in Pre-K, they held a career day where the parents could come in and talk about their jobs. I decided to come in as a Professional Mommy. I went to our kid’s dress up bin, and took out hats and other items that represented the jobs listed above. I simply changed hats over and over again and told them what Mommies and Daddies really do all day. I don’t know if the kids were impressed, but the other jobs represented that day seemed pretty dull in comparison!