Wondering where I’ve been for the past month?

I got a job!

After 13 years of being a professional daytime TV watcher (aka stay-at-home-mom), it’s time to bring home the bacon. I don’t think I’ll fry it up in a pan though.  Too much grease.  I’ll microwave it surrounded by paper towels to absorb the excess fat.

But before the job came, the resume needed to be updated.  I dusted off the most current copy I could find and realized that I never added the last paid job I held over 13 years ago.

Here’s your first nugget: Even if you think you’ll NEVER go back to work, write up a resume for all the jobs you’ve had.  Trying to remember what you did – in detail – over a decade ago was NOT a fun experience.  The taxing of my poor under-used brain was cruel and unusual punishment.  And plus, a resume is a fun journal of what you’ve done and you can use it to show your kids that you’re not an idiot.

So how does one document on a resume 13 years of full-time Mommying?  I’m glad you asked.

While ‘changing diapers’ won’t impress a future employer, ‘sanitation engineer’ just might.

Referee = sibling fights

Interior Decorator = hanging the kitten poster in just the right place

Investment Banker = with money from generous grandparents

Dairy farmer = nursing

HRT (Hostage Rescue Team) = when brother takes sister’s doll

Chauffeur = if I had a nickel for every mile I drove them…

Nurse = if I had a nickel for every band-aid I put on…

Fashion Designer = “I don’t have anything to wear Mom!!!”

Seamstress = clothes, stuffed animals, curtains they used as a rope swing…

Laundress = when the shirt is the napkin

Teacher/Tudor = homework, homework, homework

Construction Worker = building toys from unreadable instructions

Chef = the best chicken nugget maker EVER!

Lifeguard = even in the bathtub

Accountant = “Do I have enough allowance to buy that Mom?”

Maid = 24/7

Project Manager = When is your assignment due? Tomorrow????

Entertainment/Travel Guide = “Mom I’m bored!”

Hairdresser = pony & pig tail expert

Truant Officer = you want to stay home from school why?

Financial Advisor = Don’t waste your allowance on that

Architect/Builder = Legos, play-dough, sand castles, etc.

Pastor/Priest/Rabbi = “Why ______ Mom?”

Professional Liar = “Where do babies come from?” “The stork bring them honey.”

***

So there you have it
.  I think it’s quite impressive when you look at the left side of the job description.  I’d hire me in a second!

I’m sure I’ve missed some, so please pass them along in the comments if any come to mind.

When my son was in Pre-K, they held a career day where the parents could come in and talk about their jobs.  I decided to come in as a Professional Mommy.  I went to our kid’s dress up bin, and took out hats and other items that represented the jobs listed above.  I simply changed hats over and over again and told them what Mommies and Daddies really do all day.  I don’t know if the kids were impressed, but the other jobs represented that day seemed pretty dull in comparison!